Routines I
My dog, Adi, has her routine every morning:
a) After I get the coffee started, we go out to get the paper from the driveway.
b) She goes to the end of the driveway to see which of her friends have visited since she was there last.
c) She leaves her mark.
d) Next stop is around the fire hydrant, about eight feet from where she left her mark, to sniff around.
e) Then it on past the hydrant and out of sight behind the bushes. That is her favorite pooping place.
f) I call Adi, saying, "Adi, get over here."
g) She moseys back to where I can see her.
h) Now it is time for pooping, just a few feet towards the house from the fire hydrant.
i) If she can get away with it, she goes on past the little pear trees--they are in bloom now--to a small ditch almost to our front sidewalk to poop there instead.
j) After pooping, she runs beagle style back to me. I am at the garage door by now.
k) She gets ahead of me. She would scratch on the kitchen door to get in, but Mrs. Jim has her trained of sorts, and if I give her the evil eye, she just waits for me to open it instead of scratching.
l) Now she is waiting for me at the little island between the sink and the refrigerator. She is waiting for her treat for being a good doggie.
m) Here we differ, Mrs. Jim and I, on dog training philosophy.
. . .My rule is 'no treat' if she didn't do one of the two body elimination functions.
. . .Mrs. Jim's idea is to treat her if she comes back in when called.
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Without fail, Adi and I do this every morning except Sunday. Sunday has its own routine, but it isn't nearly so interesting.
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There is more:
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n) I take three medicines and three vitamins/minerals every morning. Adi is my helper with this. We are in the kitchen beside the sink.
o) Before taking the first medicine I get a glass of water and eat one rectangular piece of graham cracker. Adi eats a small piece from one end.
p) She waits patiently while I take the rest. I have a small routine [programmers, would this be a subroutine?] doing this so that I don't take one medicine twice or skip one. My secret is to take out of my shoe box the three pill bottles. As I take a medicine, I put the bottle back in the box. Can't go wrong that way.
q) After the last pill, which is a generic EyeCap, we eat the other rectangular piece of graham cracker, just as we did the first.
r) Next for Adi is 'breakfast.'
. .That for me is one half package of two (i.e. one piece) pieces of granola bar and coffee.
. .Mrs. Jim eats the other piece/half package. Adi waits for the granola bar ritual.
s) I pour coffee for Mrs. Jim, who is now reading the paper or getting e-mail. Adi waits for the granola bar ritual.
t) I open the granola bar package. Adi is still waiting.
u) I eat one third of my granola bar piece. Adi gets a corner, about the size of a large pencil eraser.
v) Mrs. Jim sips her coffee and has a one third piece of her granola bar. Adi gets a corner, about the size of a large pencil eraser, from Mrs. Jim.
w) We repeat this procedure four more time, two each for Mrs. Jim and me, with Adi and her piece, and the granola bar is gone. Adi has had a total of six bits.
x) Adi goes to the utility room to get a drink of water.
y) Adi tries to get me to play toss and take-away with her and her teddy bear.
z) Adi gets tired from playing teddy bear with me. Or she gives up trying to get me to play. I'm old, you know.
aa) Adi gets in her breakfast room bed for a long nap.
bb) If the sun is shining I always fix a blind so there is a sunny spot on the carpet and she sleeps there instead.
That is Adi's morning ritual. Every morning except Sundays. On Sundays, the paper goes into the back of the car on our way to church so we don't do the front yard part.
So on Sunday, Adi does her thing out back while I'm putting my shoes on, sitting in a rocker on the porch. Then we do the medicine/vitamin bit. I'll let you figure out which steps from above are omitted. There are additional steps. Adi goes in the utility room and gets into her 'kennel' with a treat. She eats the treat while I put the baby gate up. Adi takes a nap until we return.
Ah, life in the fast lane. That is her and my routine. I thought it might get close to being 26 steps. So I was surpised when the list got to 28 discrete items (four of the granola bit were lumped into one, at step 'w') Of course at 9:30 or ten, Mrs. Jim and I have a sweet snack with coffee. I take another pill. Adi gets into this act also.
Are you in the fast lane?
He was a hard-headed man he was brutally handsome
And she was terminally pretty
She held him up and he held for ransom
In the heart of the cold, cold city
He had a nasty reputation as a cruel dude
They said he was ruthless said he was crude
They had one thing in common
They were good in bed
She said, ’faster, faster.’
the lights are turning red.'
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Life in the fast lane
Surely make you lose your mind
Life in the fast lane
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Are you with me so far?
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Eager for action hot for the game
The calling attraction the drop of the name
They knew all the right people
They took all the right pills
They threw outrageous parties
They paid heavenly bills
There were lines on the mirror, lines on her face
She pretended not to notice she was caught up in the race
Out every evening until it was light
He was too tired to make it she was too tired to fight about it
.
Life in the fast lane
Surely make you lose your mind
Life in the fast lane
Life in the fast lane
Everything all the time
Life in the fast lane
.
Glowing and burning blinded by thirst
They didn’t see the stop sign
Took a turn for the worse
She said, ’listen baby. you can hear the engine rev.’
we’ve up and down this highway, haven’t seen a goddamn thing.’
He said, ’call the doctor.
I think I’m gonna crash.’
’the doctor say he’s coming but you gotta pay in cash.’
They were rushing down that freeway,
Messed around and got lost
They didn’t care they were just dieing to get off and it was
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Life in the fast lane
Surely make you lose your mind
Life in the fast lane
Life in the fast lane
Everything all the time
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Life in the fast lane
Life in the fast lane
Life in the fast lane
That's a lot of steps in the morning. I roll out of bed, change clothes, and drive to work. That's about it it. Oh and sometimes I don't even change clothes.
ReplyDeletehey jim! wow, can't remember how many times i've listened to that eagles song in my younger days. but reading the words puts a real different perspective. funny. thanks for the mini-trip down memory lane.
ReplyDeleteyes, i let my girls drive the mustangs. probably if i had sons it would be a huge NOOOOOO. but as a rule, girls aren't as tempted to take on the "race". well, come to think of it i guess i do know some that would do it as much as guys. but yea, my girls know one ticket or one little "informant" telling me any "racing news" on my girls, that will mean the keys and no transportation. i've always tried to teach my girls with more freedoms become more responsibility. now my hubby on the otherhand???? um, well i'm just trying to keep him tame. lol
have a wonderful and blessed day!
And then it's not really funny at all. For some it happens, the results bring a hard life on that highway.
ReplyDeleteLadies and mothers have a way of keeping people tame. Grandmothers try.
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Ah, a dog's life: eat, sleep, go potty, love your best friend.
ReplyDeleteYou, Mrs. Jim, and Adi had a routine set up that all of you were comfortable with. She is adorable. I'm sure she lived a good life with you and your wife. It's always so sad to lose a family member like her.
ReplyDelete